Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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