people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
