I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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