i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
from now on my penis is your penis
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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