how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
