I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
