I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
