Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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