I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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