Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
