I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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