I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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