I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
