I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
