I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
