Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
and you fell through a lawn chair
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
