Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize