I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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