No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
