Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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