shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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