Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize