i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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