yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
