Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My vagina is officially offended.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
