Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
