on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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