Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
