Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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