He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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