I wish my penis had an off switch
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
