Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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