she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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