i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize