its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
