WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
