We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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