We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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