just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
