I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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