I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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