I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
