he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
