If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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