It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
