At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she looked like the before picture.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
