its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
