I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
