I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
