I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
