it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
