i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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