you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
