Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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