You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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