my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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