Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
