Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
