I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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