Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
